Copyright 2012 Theresa Harvard Johnson
Ma-tth-ew 11:28 CJB, “Come to me, all of you who are struggling and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
God promises healing!
Yeah, I know this is cliché… but it is the truth. Every believer who walks this journey will, at some point, either breach trust in the midst of a brother and sister in Christ or become the victim of breached trust. In truth, it’s what happens next that will determine how your particular circumstance plays out.
The question before you now is this: Can you allow God to walk you through it? Can you give up your perceived “right” to be angry and hurt?
There is absolutely no way the Lord is pleased with what has happened to you! Yet, the only way out of it is to determine – before the Lord that YOU will not live in your hurt, disappointment, distrust and brokenness. And as HARD as this may sound, “YOU do not have the right, in the eyes of the Lord, to hold on to the pain, the betrayal. That posture is just as much a sin as the sin done against you.” (If you haven’t already done so, please read Part I: When Leadership Breaks Confidentiality & Trust)
I’m not just talking here. I am speaking from a place of walking this out many, many times with the Lord. I’m speaking from a place of understanding that the victory obtained in this situation truly did work for my good. It didn’t seem like it then — but IT SURE DOES NOW!
God uses those experiences to make us!
Ecclesiastes 3:3 promises us “a TIME TO heal.” This is a PROMISE. It’s not an if or a how… but an issue of time as you pursue the presence of God.
Ephesians 4:25-27 CJB says, “25 Therefore, stripping off falsehood, let everyone speak truth with his neighbor, because we are intimately related to each other as parts of a body. 26 BE ANGRY, but DON’T SIN – don’t let the sun go down before you have dealt with the cause of your anger; 27 otherwise you leave room for the Adversary.”
So your first step in the healing process is releasing your anxieties upon Christ. This place of release is not so much one of whining and replaying the tape of your betrayal (we love to do this), but one of surrender in which you are facing the truth BEFORE GOD concerning what is in your heart toward the person or the people to whom your brokenness is directed. In other words, you are facing YOUR OWN HEART in pure truth, and allowing Holy Spirit full access and liberty in bringing forth reconciliation in you.
Carefully read the wisdom in the scripture below.
1 Peter 5:6-9 CJB says, “Therefore, humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, so that at the right time he may lift you up. Throw all your anxieties upon him, because he cares about you.
Stay sober, stay alert! Your enemy, the Adversary, stalks about like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Stand against him, firm in your trust, knowing that your brothers throughout the world are going through the same kinds of suffering.
YOU WILL HAVE TO SUFFER A LITTLE WHILE; after that, God, who is full of grace, the one who called you to his eternal glory in union with the Messiah, WILL HIMSELF RESTORE, ESTABLISH & STRENGTHEN YOU and make you firm. To him be the power forever and ever. Amen.”
One of the primary types of healing you can expect to receive when your trust has been broken is freedom from “torment” – a place of severe mental or emotional suffering.
A primary form of torment is “introspection” – the obsessive, compulsive examination or observation of one’s own mental and emotional processes. It is the constant questioning and replaying of your own actions and responses – and in your mind, trying to determine what YOU COULD HAVE DONE differently.
Introspection focuses on the past and indicates that not only have you not forgiven the person who breached your confidentiality or place of trust; but it also shows that YOU have not forgiven or released the role you may have played in it. In fact, you might even be “looking” for every single, itty-bitty thing you did wrong and are focusing on it.
THIS IS NOT OF GOD! IT IS A STRATEGY FROM HELL to further separate you from the presence of God!
For example, you might begin questioning EVERY SINGLE MOVE YOU MADE, conversation you had, and every private thing you shared with that leader. It may cause you to enter fully into paranoia (delusions of persecution) and suspicion (extreme distrust).
Come on, people of God! Many, many have been in this place!
If you are in this place, it is TIME to seek God fervently for mind renewal – praying and fasting if necessary. It’s not enough to know you can put on the mind of Christ, but you have to sincerely want to do it! (1 Corinthians 2:16; Philippians 2:5-11)
After laying all of your anxieties on the Lord, an obvious step in this process must be to PURSUE FORGIVENESS with everything in you. While a person can confess forgiveness and even act out forgiveness, TRUE FORGIVENESS must be walked out through an inner death process with the Lord.
In other words, any place in us that feels “justified” in our brokenness will have to be destroyed. Hello AGAIN Theresa! You see, the wrong done to you is by all means SINFUL, but it doesn’t give a person the RIGHT – in the eyes of God – to harbor bitterness, anger, resentment, etc. toward those who wronged them. Those things might be surfacing in your heart right now, but you have no legal right to hold on to them – this is what Father is saying when He asks us to forgive and let go of offense.
You see, if anyone could justify their right to be angry and bitter – it would have been Jesus. Yet, he CHOSE to walk in forgiveness. To pursue forgiveness is to pursue God who IS love. So our pursuit – even in the midst of severe brokenness – is one that exemplifies love.
People of God: “Healing begins with YOU and the Lord first. It’s only after you’ve walked it out in the Lord that true reconciliation can come in the midst of other relationships.”
My spiritual father told me this one day when I was struggling in this area: He said, “Theresa! Listen to me. What has been done to you is WRONG! GOD is not pleased. Forgiveness does not mean that what was done to you is OK. It doesn’t mean that you will FORGET what was done to you or that you will even enter back into that relationship at the level that previously existed. And guess what, you don’t have to! Forgiveness does not mean you are giving a person a “free pass.” It simply means that YOU are making a decision to NO LONGER BE OFFENDED! You are making a decision to LET IT GO and walk in God’s love!”
Wow! I received so much freedom from my spiritual father’s godly counsel that day — and I understood it.
The other thing I learned was that it is okay to need SPACE to heal.
To be or to enter into healing may involve separating yourself from anyone or any environment that will cause you continued harm. Every situation is different, so even this decision of physical separation must be between you and the Lord alone.
This type of separation is intended to sever you from idle conversations, toxic people, toxic environments, unhealthy influences, abuse and other situations that could cause further injury or hinder wholeness – whether intentional or perceived. There was a situation in my life in which just being in the environment kicked my severe “introspection” into “obsessive” overdrive… and it fed deep roots of paranoia and suspicion.
If this means taking a half-day off or longer from work – then DO IT! If this means stepping down from a leadership role in your local church, community or leaving indefinitely, DO IT! The world will not end because you have made a conscious decision to GUARD your heart with STRONG physical and spiritual boundaries.
Get ready though, because sometimes the leadership around you can GUILT YOU into sticking around or hanging out in unhealthy relationships. Some leaders are also MASTER MANIPULATORS — and will disguise that manipulation under pep talks on “submission, wisdom and counsel!”
A key to recognizing this is simple: “Your decision to get out of the environment to guard your heart will somehow turn into a conversation about THEM — their disappointment, their hurt, their pain or their “need” for YOU to understand and forgive them.”
Watch out for this!
For me, I quickly discovered that separating myself from the phone calls, the environments that reminded me of my pain, the people involved in the mess and those who constantly wanted to counsel or console me concerning what went down was like an ENEMA in the realm of the spirit.
In other words, I was able to cleanse myself of all the voices around me, and give myself over to worship and the Word in the midst of prayer. I needed to hear God “VOID” of the influences of men.
Over time, I began to hear God for myself concerning this issue! People of God, I’m not talking about separating despondently or entering into angry isolation here. I am not talking about disrespecting or dishonoring those in leadership over you. I am speaking specifically of “stepping away” until WISDOM steps in. I am speaking of the power of SILENCE to bring one’s mind under the subjection and power of the mind of Christ and precious, oh precious Holy Spirit.
When you’re in a battle for your soul, the expectations of others are irrelevant as you stand before a Holy God!
Proverbs 4:23 CJB says this: Above everything else, guard your heart; for it is the source of life’s consequences.
Yes, I could go on and on about other ways to be healed when dealing with broken trust, broken confidentiality at the hand of leadership. But the truth of the matter is this: Your healing is in Father’s presence.… at the feet of Jesus.
While you may want “man” to apologize or feel like you “need” to experience vindication or closure – and this may very well be a legitimate thing that needs to take place, the MOST IMPORTANT THING is that “YOU” are reconciled in the arms of the Father. He doesn’t want anything, and I mean ANYTHING to come between YOU and HIM.
You might not see any hope insight now for your pain, but I promise you: “It’s right there. Just TRUST His presence to reveal it to you.”
WHAT IS THE LESSON OR LESSONS IN THIS TRIAL? For me, I had a tendancy to make “the leaders in my life idols.” I would place them in a “God-status” in my life — leaving absolutely NO ROOM for them to fall short or make mistakes. As I walked out having my trust broken MANY, MANY times, I finally learned the lesson.
I stopped seeing the leaders in my life as “better than me” or “greater than me.” Why? Because MY EYESIGHT was clouded. I allowed Father to teach me about the SERVANTHOOD of leadership and reverance that HE PLACES THERE — verses what men demand.
You see, NOT EVERYONE can be trusted with the care of your heart – even if they are shepherds over a flock or leaders in positions. Are there leaders who are trustworthy and worthy of it! OOOOHHH YESSSS!!!! I have them in my life on every side! But “EVEN IN THIS” we have to understand this simple truth: “They are yet MERE MEN and there is ONLY ONE GOD who is perfect.”
Listen, all the answers you need are not in this article — but in Christ! What is shared here will put you on a path of healing in Christ. It is a beginning.
For me, I learned some valuable lessons. They are:
- Theresa, your TRUST must be placed my trust in God. Even in the midst of submitting to leadership I had to seek out the GOD IN THEM, not the flesh.
- Theresa, do not place men on pedastals. NO MAN should be placed in “idol status” in our lives. Why? Because we are human and will make mistakes. Unrealistic expectations WILL destroy relationships.
- Theresa, take your cares to the Father FIRST. Then, allow Him to direct your paths for counsel when needed.
- Theresa, you are just as valuable and significant to Father and His Kingdom as the leaders around you. Don’t forget it! No man can protect you, love you or teach you like Father can.
This powerful lesson can be summed up in Psalms 146 in its entirety. Please PRAY it with me:
1 Halleluyah! Praise ADONAI, my soul!
2 I will praise ADONAI as long as I live. I will sing praise to my God all my life.
3 Don’t put your TRUST in princes (governments, governmental leaders) or in mortals (human beings), who cannot help.
4 When they breathe their last, they return to dust; on that very day all their plans are gone. 5 Happy is he whose help is Ya’akov’s God, whose hope is in ADONAI his God.
6 He made heaven and earth, the sea and everything in them; he keeps faith forever.
7 He secures justice for the oppressed, he gives food to the hungry. ADONAI sets prisoners free,
8 ADONAI opens the eyes of the blind, ADONAI lifts up those who are bent over. ADONAI loves the righteous.
9 ADONAI watches over strangers, he sustains the fatherless and widows; but the way of the wicked he twists.
10 ADONAI will reign forever, your God, Tziyon, through all generations. Halleluyah!
As you draw closer to Father, He draws you into deeper places of wisdom and understanding. He doesn’t want you walking around “suspicious” of the community of Christ and distrustful of Him. He wants you to have a healthy perspective of HIS Body. Your healing, begins now.
Today, I can thank God for my MANY lessons in this area. I can share the wisdom of THIS CONTINUED journey with you. Why? Because it has worked together with all things FOR MY GOOD… and so will it be with you.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 CJB, “Praised be to God, Father of our Lord Yeshua the Messiah, compassionate Father, God of all encouragement and comfort; who encourages us in all our trials, so that we can encourage others in whatever trials they may be undergoing with the encouragement we ourselves have received from God.”
