Copyright 2013 Theresa Harvard Johnson
We can celebrate the lives of Amanda Berry, Gina DeJesus and Michelle Knight. As they move through an intense journey of healing, we can have a hand in helping them heal, to fully recover.
How? Well, those reading this can make sure that these young women do not remain a news headline with spectators waiting for “what happens next” or regurgitating every gory detail from their ordeal that the news media feeds us or pours out. Every one of us can celebrate them by doing our part in making sure that children, our most precious cargo, are protected from the sick minds of child sexual predators.
According to the Center for Disease Control & Prevention here in Atlanta, one in four girls and one is six boys are sexually abused by the age of 17, and only one in 10 will ever tell. In an article published in the Journal of Pediatric Health written by Gail Hornor, 80,000 cases of child sexual abuse were reported in 2008 alone. Officials, however, believe that this number is far greater because children are afraid to tell.
SIDEBAR: I am blessed to serve with the fabulous organization, VOICE Today Inc., which exists to end child sexual abuse. For quality and excellent tools, resources and information on child sexual abuse prevention for your organization, faith-based institution or outreach initiative, please do not hesitate to contact me directly or reach out to VOICE so that I can tell you more. Watch this powerful video on the left. In addition, Angela Williams, the founder and my sear sister, shares her personal testimony in the book, From Sorrows To Sapphires. Read the latest book review here.
If you had the opportunity to prevent the type of heinous crime that engulfed the lives of Berry, DeJesus and Knight from happening to your child, your neighbor or the child of a co-worker would you take it? Most of us would like to think that we would. But the truth is this:
- The news headlines will dissipate.
- The perpetrator, Ariel Castro, will be sentenced.
- Berry, DeJesus and Knight will spend years healing from this unimaginable tragedy, and those reading this article and following the story;
- Will remember it only as a moment in history when these women were found.
Very few people will see this tragedy as a wide-open door to push awareness of child sexual abuse and prevention in their communities. Yet, one of the greatest ways we could ever honor someone who has gone through a traumatizing, sexually abusive experience is to do our part in making sure it doesn’t happen to anyone else.
We can remember and celebrate these brave women, and that 6-year-old girl, by becoming VIGILANT – alert, attentive, watchful – in our homes, neighborhoods and communities. We can find out what child sexual abuse looks like, how predators operate and what we can do to make it “very difficult” for predators to hide.
A Letter to Our Family and Community
“Dearest Family and Neighbors: I love you, and I want to do my part in protecting our children. That’s why I’m writing you this letter. I want you to know that there are child sexual predators all around us. The man charged with the kidnapping, torture and rape of the women in the news didn’t have monster hands, squinty scary eyes or look suspicious walking down the street. He didn’t have sadistic, masochistic behaviors that were widely known or suspicious outward behavior that set off alarm bells in the presence of those who met him, knew him or saw him passing by. He didn’t act like the stranger we’ve been warned about. He showed no signs of being the overtly lonely, like that awkward boogie man hiding under the bed or the creepy guy lurking on the playground hunting his next victim. He looked no different from Jane Doe’s Uncle Joe who tinkers on his car every weekend. He mowed his lawn, held a job and we sometimes saw him at cookouts with the neighbors, and he always spoke to us. Did you know that most child sexual predators look and act just like me and you?”
The story of Berry, DeJesus and Knight prove that the “boogie man” could be anyone – even a woman. The American Psychological Association (APA) reports that 60 percent of perpetrators of sexual abuse are known to the child but are not family members, 30 percent are family members and only 10 percent are strangers. Children are most likely to be abused by babysitters, family friends, childcare providers, neighbors and family members.
Numerous governmental reports and studies will tell you that child sexual predators are perceived as kind and friendly. They seek to become best buddies with adults and children in efforts to build trust as they hide, secretly committing their horrific crimes. Psychologically, they strategically create environments in which they become “mommy or daddy’s friend” so that the child will be too intimidated to tell that someone their parents love or respect has hurt them. Family Matters Parenting Magazine states that child sexual predators generally:
- Have a preoccupation with children
- May be overly nice, kind, friendly
- Use clever means to gain access to and cross boundaries with children
- Are overly attentive to your child. Pedophiles have radar for kids who come from broken homes or whose dependency needs are not getting met. Pedophiles gain a child’s trust by giving them the attention he or she craves.
- Child predators often work in a position that allows them access to children. They can be teachers, coaches, scout leaders, church personnel, etc.
- They are usually loners and have an inability to get their needs met from adult relationships.
- They may have families of their own who are unaware of their activities.
- Will do everything in their power to earn your trust, so you’ll assume that your child is safe in their care.
The description above fully encapsulates what a child predator might look like. While we do have the “scary people, boogie man” category, please keep in mind that these instances are extremely rare in comparison with this.
In addition, we must have a clear picture of what child sexual abuse looks like. Parents, child caregivers and ordinary people in the community must begin to see themselves at the forefront of child sexual abuse prevention, and pay attention to the red flags. There is a need to define child sexual abuse beyond the definition of rape or inappropriate touching.
The American Psychological Association defines child sexual abuse this way:
“Any interaction between a child and adult (or another child) in which the child is used for the sexual stimulation of the perpetrator or observer. A central characteristic of abuse is the domination of a child by the perpetrator through deception, force, or coercion into sexual activity. Children, due to their age, cannot give meaningful consent to sexual activity. Child sexual abuse includes touching and non-touching behaviors like sexual kissing; inappropriate touching or fondling of the child’s genitals, breasts or buttocks; masturbation; oral-genital contact; sexual or digital (with fingers) penetration; pornography (forcing the child to view or use of the child in); child prostitution; exposure or flashing of body parts to a child; voyeurism (ogling a child) or verbal pressure for sex.”
As a society, we need a working definition of what child sexual abuse looks like – with clear examples and descriptions. As caregivers of children, these definitions help us to rightly determine what kind of behavior is appropriate versus inappropriate. A perpetrator, for example, might show a child pornographic pictures or “accidentally” brush up against that child inappropriately as a way to “test reactions, limits or boundaries.”
As parents, caregivers and neighbors we have power in ending child sexual abuse. We can:
- Choose to believe a child when they disclose. It is better to report child sexual abuse and risk hurting the feeling of adults than assume that a child is lying. Statistics show that it is more likely that they are telling the truth than that they are not. Your actions could be critical in removing a child predator or pedophile off the street or out of your home.
- Break the silence. Begin making your friends and neighbors aware of the facts surrounding child sexual abuse like we do with breast cancer, penile erectile dysfunction, prostate checks and HIV/AIDS prevention. This issue is just as serious as those.
- Use teachable moments, like the news stories over the past few days concerning the recovery of these women to educate and love on your children and let them know that it is okay to tell if someone hurts them.
While the case of Berry, DeJesus and Knight is extreme, we must never forget that every single act of child sexual abuse is a heinous violation of a child’s innocence – whether they are being ogled and talked to inappropriately or whether a violent assault has occurred.
You read the statistics in this article: The greatest risk of child sexual abuse is in our own neighborhoods and in our own homes. Your challenge is simple, “Don’t get caught up in the news headlines and let the plight of these women be a blow by blow account of news reports. Instead, become a voice in your community that raises awareness about child sexual abuse and makes it extremely difficult for predators to remain hidden.”
Remember, child sexual predators count on shame and silence to hide.
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Thank you Amanda Berry for BEING A VOICE of freedom. It took great courage to survive. Our prayers are with you, DeJesus, Knight and your families as you recover all.
