Part I: Exposing Jonadab, the Gaslighter (2)

Copyright 2014 Theresa Harvard Johnson

Introduction

Gaslighting is a sophisticated manipulation tactic that certain types of personalities use to create doubt in the minds of others.[1] It is classified by psychologists as a form of mental abuse “in which false information is presented with the intent of making a victim doubt his or her own memory, perception and sanity.[2]

In my personal ministry experiences, I have found it to be the most common tactic of spiritual abuse and emotional warfare used among the congregation. It walks hand in hand with “The Spirit of Rebecca: Master Manipulator.” Even the most mature believer can be affected by this demonic influence.

Skilled and experienced gaslighters are masters in passive aggressive behavior. Perhaps their greatest area of mastery is their ability to twist actual events, words and situations into well spun lies. The truth is so intertwined that their victim completely misses the “underlining” lie. (Read this excellent article on “Passive Aggressive Behavior.”)

Gaslighting may also be defined as severe psychological manipulation in which there is “an increasing frequency of systematically withholding factual information from, and/or providing false information to, the victim – having the gradual effect of making them anxious, confused, and less able to trust their own memory and perception.”[3]

In the book, The Gaslight Effect, Dr. Robin Stern that this is an attempt to “erode another’s reality.”

There are many relationships and opportunities that have fallen prey to this tactic – even among the people of God. While gaslighting is very subtle, extremely manipulative and abusive, its objective is simple: It is designed to undermine and destroy God’s purpose and destiny in the life of its target.

The gaslighter works overtime to plant subtle seeds of destruction within fertile gardens, and overtime he or she nurtures those seeds until they grow into ravenous weeds that literally choke the life of everything around it – leaving its victim sidelined and sometimes destroyed.

Prophetically, Father released this Word of the Lord to my spirit this morning: “Even now, I am exposing your enemy says the Lord. Every plan to gaslight your supernatural purposes in me in this very hour have been rendered null, void and ineffective. In Jesus Name!”

Exposing Gaslighters in the Midst of Kings

Father showed me two key things in relation to this message: (1) Gaslighters most often attach themselves to kings – those who are exercising Kingdom RULE and DOMINION, even indirectly; and (2) Gaslighters operate in a god-complex, falsely believing they have been sent by God in place of Holy Spirit in a person’s life.

Let’s see this in the Word of God.

Most people of God are familiar with the story of Tamar’s rape in 2 Samuel 13 by her brother Amnon. What we may not have noticed, however, is the role a man named Jonadab played in the midst of this situation. Take a look at our initial introduction to him in the midst of this account.

2 Samuel 13:3-4 NKJV says, “But Amnon had a friend whose name was Jonadab the son of Shimeah, David's brother. Now Jonadab was a very crafty man. And he said to him, "Why are you, the king's son, becoming thinner day after day? Will you not tell me?”

It is important to note historically that Jonadab was a part of the “royal family” or monarchy of David.[4] He was actually David’s nephew, and Amnon’s cousin. The term “friend” here is also used to connote one who serves as an advisor or who has authority to give advice within the royal family.[5] As you continue to read the discourse in 2 Samuel 13, you will quickly see that Jonadab clearly had another agenda in the midst of his conversation with Amnon. That agenda could easily fall on this assumption: “Jonadab was out to destroy the monarchy of David. Because he could not access David directly, he found an entrance through Amnon, David’s son.”

In 2 Samuel 13:3-4 Jonadab:

• Was connected to the king and viewed as family
• Had bold, unhindered access to the royal family
• Had the ear of at least one person close to the king
• Was someone who seemed to work in the background or who may not be in the spotlight
• Was well-spoken, confident and clear in his approach
• Was skilled in getting Amnon to share his deep secrets
• Was “crafty,” meaning cleaver at achieving his goals through deception

Take note of these characteristics. Based solely on this passage, it looks like all Jonadab is doing is “comforting Amnon” in the midst of his personal crisis. It seems innocent enough right? Then, he asks Amnon to tell him his troubles. Amnon falls prey to the manipulation in vs. 4-6, and ultimately ends up taking the “gaslighting” advice that he received from Jonadab – which led to a string of events that deeply wounded King David, cost him the lives of his sons and most trusted advisers, and nearly cost him his kingdom.

You see, Jonadab – in that moment – had the opportunity to lead Amnon in truth. He had the opportunity to go to David to expose how SICK Amnon was. He had the opportunity to DO GOOD according to the will of God but chose manipulation.

Instead, he played the “devil’s advocate” and suggested that he take the “ungodly” route of raping his sister and then lying to his Father about what happened. Jonadab targeted Amnon’s sin-condition, and used him as a pawn in an even more volatile, evil and highly deceptive plot. He basically said to Amnon: “If you really want to rape your sister, this is what you should do. I’m not telling you to do it Amnon, but if you really wanted to do it then this is the best way.”

Jonadab was a skillful gaslighter, manipulator. His tactics allowed him:

• To remain hidden
• To say it was Amnon’s idea
• To say I was just there, and not involved
• To be the “confidant” but not the aggressor
• To appear innocent

People of God, Jonadab might be in the midst of your camp. His strategy may not be exactly like the one used in David’s monarchy, but he could be right there in the ear of others in the midst of your ministry “patiently and deliberately” SUGGESTING that you are the enemy OR standing in agreement with unforgiveness, misguided or demonic thoughts – all while smiling in your face and helping you along the way.

Jonadab could be a mentor who is leading you on one hand; and undermining relationships intimate to you on another. Jonadab could even be a spouse or a jealous loved one.

Father revealed to me that this tactic, unfortunately, is prevalent in the midst of ministry relationships today. In fact, leaders and those who follow them have probably experienced or will experience some form of gaslighting in the midst of their ministries and/or ministry growth – either as the victim or the source.

Now that this stronghold has been exposed, these are some tried and true strategies that you can implement to protect yourself, your ministry and initiate deliverance in the life of the gaslighter – all born from a place of consistent, persistent prayer.

Part II: Strategies Against Ministry Gaslighting

Part III: Recovery: When you have been gaslighted