Copyright 2015 Theresa Harvard Johnson
This article is very personal to me. Like many of you (if not most), I have walked through the kind of brokenness in ministry (and in the corporate arena for that matter) that leaves you questioning not only your skill and ability, but your value and contribution to the world. I’m going to be real frank with this next statement: “Some hurts can literally kill your spirit and cause you to lay everything God placed in you down.”
I was left reeling in what seemed to be a sea of incompetence and no courage to fight. My name could have been “Theresa Second-Guess-Every-Thing-About-Yourself Johnson.” In that season, I literally felt as if I was down for the count. I did not trust people – even those worthy of it, and I especially didn’t trust myself – including my ability to hear God, the confidence of my calling (which I had walked strong in at one time) or even my gifts (natural and spirit). I existed this way for nearly three years after my career suddenly ended, my marriage was heading for divorce and my closest spiritual relationships (all places where I found affirmation) evaporated right before my very eyes.
I can remember looking into my vanity mirror and asking God: What happened to me? How did I get here? Who is this woman? Where are you? And most importantly, how do I find her again? On top of all of this I was covered in shame as I saw myself as a complete failure – overcome by an assumed disgrace, deep humiliation, and loads of indignity.
I was literally throwing away my courage. Giving up the fight.
Hebrews 10:35-36 CJB says, “So don’t throw away that courage of yours, which carries with it such a great reward. For you need to hold out; so that, by having done what God wills, you may receive what he has promised.”
Scribes, meditate on this passage of scripture; and allow Holy Spirit to touch your broken heart if you are here, now in this place. It was through reading this all those years ago that I realized many believers have walked this way — including the Apostle Paul. Whether your confidence has been shattered in your scribal gifting, your art, preaching, etc. — the experience and journey to healing is the same. Listen, you are not alone in this. I assure you that no matter how dark it seems right now, you want to endure this trial.
While I cannot cover every single topic associated with this subject, there are five truths I am compelled to share with you about regaining your competence and confidence, and re-entering the fight. These are not intended to be steps, but points of insight to deliberately practice along the way to aid in restoring what has been lost.
These points are as follows:
- Confess and tell God how deeply you are hurting (Job 7:11, Psalm 107:28-30, Matthew 7:7, 1 Peter 5:7). Do this a hundred times if you must. Tell him exactly how you feel. Yes, I said how you feel. God may not give you the answer you want, but He will give you what is needed. Job practiced this in the midst of his trial. Force yourself to journal your journey. Make the choice to do this… as it is a choice. Holy Spirit is with you to help your soul purge and release.
- Give yourself the freedom to grieve. Please know that I am not talking about cultivating and nurturing pity parties, or validating a victim’s mentality. I am speaking of true grief. Whether you realize it or not, you have experienced a great loss or perhaps many losses. Grief is not just about losing a loved one, though this is a major aspect of it. Without healing and restoration, the inability to grieve can completely derail a person’s life. Check out this insightful ministry article.
- Forgive and repent (Matthew 6:14-15; 1 John 1:9; Isaiah 43:25-26). No one can move forward in Father without taking these steps. It is necessary to forgive any perceived or actual wrong done to you. It is necessary to forgive yourself of any role or perceived role you may have had in precipitating your circumstance. Read this comprehensive article on forgiveness.
- Reclaim your FAITH and trust in God (Matthew 17:20, 1 Peter 1:7, 2 Corinthians 5:7).You see, sometimes we struggle in our faith, belief and trusting God. We blame him. In this area, there will take a pressing and a bending of your will to truly conform to the will of God. But guess what, you have Holy Spirit on the inside of you – the same power that caused Christ, Lazarus, Tabitha and others to rise from the grave. What will you choose? Video, Trusting God When You Don’t Understand.
- Take a chance! By the time you reach this place of actively reclaiming your faith and seeking to trust God, you will also begin overcoming the root of fear. Remember, fear torments (1 John 4:18). Study out the biblical understanding of torment when time permits. One of the most powerful ways to deal with fear is by doing what God has commanded of you AFRAID. Read the poem before the crowd anyway. Share you opinion in the group boldly – even if no one acknowledges you, and keep doing it as often as you are able. Overcoming fear requires more than a declaration, but ACTS of defiance. Video, Choose Boldness Instead of Fear.
Each one of the points mentioned above, when earnestly pursued in God, will assist you in restoring your confidence and competence in your walk with God. Please know that we are not talking about being “self-confident” as in self-reliant, but being sure of what God put in you and sure of who you are in his eyes. This is about restoring the Hebrews 10:35-36 courage that empowers you to fulfill your purpose in God.
Along the way, your focus is centered on restoration in God – not men. We must practice His presence WAY MORE than we seek help from others. Trials “like this” take people out of the equation, and place us before our Father. It is only through trusting God that we can ever learn to trust the God in His people.
In the midst of your restoration, take comfort in James 1:2-3 CJB, “Regard it all as joy, my brothers, when you face various kinds of temptations; for you know that the testing of your trust produces perseverance. But let perseverance do its complete work; so that you may be complete and whole, lacking in nothing.”{jcomments on}
