Copyright 2016 Theresa Harvard Johnson
The offended life is a “life lived” in deep rooted, seeping unforgiveness, bitterness and anger due to an actual or perceived offense. In the heart of a person living in this place, paranoia and suspicion has become their confidant, their trusted friend. There is always a “they, them, him and those” behind everything that goes wrong in their lives; and an accusatory posture that causes them to see life through extremely clouded, foggy lenses.
Their offense is directed at people, institutions and even an unhealthy fixation on the devil. “They, them, him and those” are always to blame for what is wrong in their world and in their lives. Not only are the people suffering in their hearts and minds, but those who LOVE them become casualties of their “offended lifestyles.” It causes loss friendships (many of which may be God ordained), false accusation and constant misunderstandings. The offended one quickly becomes a person others “walk on egg-shells” around – never knowing what step might unleash odd isolating behaviors, paranoia, anger or even rage.
Read the prophecy, “Leaving the offended life.”
The first part of Luke 17:1 says, “It is impossible that offenses will not come…” In other words, every human WILL experience OFFENSE in their lives. It is literally unavoidable. But as we move through the next five verses, we quickly learn that remaining offended is a conscious choice! We can choose to hold on to offense or let it go!
Our biblical history is also drenched with examples of people who have not only become offended, but who allowed that offense to utterly consume them. From their example, we learned that if “offense” is not overcome that it always and I mean ALWAYS lead to a form of death or rottenness to the soul, and a trail of dead bodies (discarded relationships) will follow. Below are just a few examples in scripture where offense led to some form or multiple forms of death in the lives of biblical characters.
- Cain was offended by Abel and by God. It cost him his life, family and ultimately his lineage.
- Absalom was offended by his father David. It cost him his relationship with his father, his life and it nearly cost David his kingdom.
- Saul was offended by David. One minute he loved David, the next he hated and sought to kill him.
- Diotrephes was offended at the Apostle John and absolutely everyone believer around him.
- Haman was offended by Mordecai. It entrapped him and cost him his life.
Those living “offended lives” exist in an offended atmosphere, carrying it with them. They also have this spiritual ability to shift atmospheres — for the worse. They bring rain clouds, storm clouds… and this shroud of darkness and heaviness in the wake of their offended behavior. It filters through their conversation (blaming, whining, complaining, accusation, vengeance, anger… and a host of victim-like symptoms); and even through their indecisiveness between forgiveness and offense, action and non-action.
Check out the article, The Pig Pen Effect.
Their offense has become an extreme, life-altering issue that is so severe that the person becomes spiritually constipated in their growth and development. Laxitives are unable to solve their issue – meaning conversations, therapy, counseling, etc. In extreme cases, they may need full blown confrontation, massive deliverance (meaning the casting out of strongholds); and in cases where they refuse to acknowledge the problem, it may be necessary for “healthy people” to separate themselves from them for their own safety. People who have embraced offended lifestyles have made a choice not to forgive the actual or perceived offense in their heart (Matthew 6:15; Mark 11:26). In the examples mentioned above, there are some characteristics of offense that each one of these people nurtured. I have provided a brief list below.
A person living an offended life, often:
- Operates in devious, passive-aggressive behavior. Silent, passive sabotage or revenge is often at work. The person may intentionally procrastinate, intentionally fail to respond or cooperate with or around those to whom they have found offense. Their child-like behavior and responses are calculated, deliberate and put in place specifically to enact a secret, subtle revenge. They may live in a place of blaming others for their lack of success or inability to thrive. They might feel unappreciated, unrecognized and walk in a “sulking or tantrum” state of mind. They fail to confront and lack interest in God’s heart for reconciliation.
- Suddenly withdraws from key relationships – often without the courtesy of an explanation. They embrace extreme self-justification without cause. In their minds, they are “getting out of the way” or “moving themselves out of the way” of perceived judgement, mistreatment or danger. In truth — it’s all in their head! When in fact, they are simply offended, harboring unforgiveness and suffering from temper-tantrums. The opposite may also be true… as it disguises itself as unconcern. People can also attack viciously without explanation (and within the shadows), seeking to “indirectly” inflict harm on those they consider to have betrayed them. A clear sign here is that there are generally NUMEROUS people they have simply left in the wake of their affliction.
- Avoids direct confrontation. There is a hatred for God’s route to forgiveness which involves bringing the offense forward in the hope of restoration. There is also a desire to AVOID correction. Somehow, they see any effort of correcting this behavior as abusive, insensitive or as a personal attack concerning them. You might often hear phrases like “no one understands me” or “I am not included” in anything. In the mind of the offended, reconciliation does not apply to them. Other people need to repent. (Proverbs 15:32, Proverbs 26:1-11)
- Bonds with the victim mentality. (Read this article in the Huffington Post.) The victim mentality is characterized by pessimism, self-pity, repressed anger and a belief that certain circumstances are beyond one’s control.[1] The truth is every person has the ability to change their response to the situations they face most of the time. A person who is “living the offended life” has bonded deeply with this false belief. So much so, it has become a core foundation in their lives. They see themselves as always having to fight, defend themselves, war, duck and cover… or otherwise live on the offensive line.
- Nurtures a silent rage, a volatile anger. Specifically, there is a subconscious rage or anger beneath the surface of their offense. If it continues to remain hidden, it may manifest or reveal itself in self-destructive or outwardly destructive ways. It can poison an organization, ministry… and scatter people who buy into its lies. It can also be equivalent to the sensitivity of a hair-trigger on a machine gun. Irrational behavior will emerge once this volatile anger begins to surface and direct itself. If you are a leader or in a position of authority in this person’s life, get ready… they will generally target all of their unrequitted forgiveness here first.
- Embraces the deception of isolation. Most of us understand that spending time in solitude is good, until it becomes isolation. Isolation is the unhealthy seclusion from quality human contact, and is associated with psychological disorders that give way to “madness” in the mind. A person in this place can become their own “leading authority,” and exists in a twisted, irrational state of relating, reasoning and perception. Isolation quickly becomes the breeding ground for paranoia, suspicion and gross misconceptions.
Extreme offense means that there are levels and levels of unforgiveness and bitterness that God wants to surgically remove. The first step to overcoming, however, is acknowledging that you are in this place and that HELP IS NEEDED. If you are suffering under an offended person, you may need to step back if this is possible and guard your heart.
Finally, just because you walk in offense does not mean GOD is not with you! It does mean that you are in need of His healing power! It means that you are in need of a deep rooted inner healing from hurt and brokenness. The invitation presented before you today is a simple one: “Will you allow Christ to rise in your heart and be made whole?”
Read the prophecy, “Leaving the Offended Life.”
[1] Dr. Kim Shirin, Victim Mentality, http://drshirin.com/victimme.htm
