Residual grief is the experience of ongoing sorrow or mourning that persists beyond the initial stages of grief. It is a form of grief often characterized by a more subtle and enduring inner sadness resulting from significant loss.

As the decades fall behind me, I understand better each day how unbelievably unpredictable and challenging this life is. Our faith and belief in Jesus Christ are the only pure and true constant. I am also convinced that “finding resolve” or seeking “inner resolution” takes on new meaning as we balance the “making things right or talking situations through” concept with understanding what it means to make peace with past choices and decisions or things that happened to us that shaped our lives.

Some resolutions, like we are discussing here, are solely about resolving the angst INSIDE US when any situation that might have perpetuated it is long, long gone.

Some Causes of Residual Grief

Not all causes of residual grief are obvious to us.

Perhaps they are fallout from situations like those mentioned here over time: For example, there were no opportunities to give a defense or explain before things went awry. There was no entrance or interest in our insight or opinion on situations that directly affected our well-being or success. There were no opportunities to give final words or to obtain clarity. Decisions were made with zero options for input. Conclusions were drawn without discussion. Doors were closed, placing some of us outside of a one-sided conversation. There was no opportunity to be heard or understood. Lack of recovery from poor decisions. Circumstances left some of us falsely accused, lied on, and unvindicated. The doors of communication closed without any care or concern. Some were left behind, not knowing what happened or why.

The areas mentioned often require context, but the purpose is to show how the soul can become disquieted or have discontent within… in a subtle way over long periods. The bottom line is that the residue of past losses or traumas – even where doors have been closed – can leave residue, dust… in its wake that can pile up over time, leading to residual grief with no specific or obvious cause.

It’s like the unfinished song, the dance move cut short, the love letter never sent, the close kiss that never happened, the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity never taken, the door opened but never walked through, the words never spoken, the love never known, the dream never fulfilled, the idea never released, or the apology that death stole.

It’s the unfinished, the unresolved… the unspoken regret.

Healing Can Come

I drove to my hometown a few weeks ago while handling personal business. I visited a place of my childhood, parked, and just walked the area. I told no one.

I had not been to this place in more than 30 years. But while there, I stood and touched a tree of my youth. I spoke words there, by the leading of the Spirit, and felt such RESOLVE for some things I believed I had already resolved. I felt other things let go as well, having no idea what they might have been.

The “inner me” needed that moment with the Lord, not with any person.

Psalm 34:17-18 says, “The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those crushed in Spirit.”

This passage encourages us to acknowledge our discontent, to own where we are before the Lord, and release those moments to Him unashamed. We do not have to know the name of everything that gives us discontent! We do not have to relive every place to find resolve. What we must do, however, is acknowledge this place without religiosity…. and simply give the Lord permission to help us release whatever it is. Forgiveness is there. Peace is there. Restored joy is there.

Healing can come if we can be honest with ourselves and have faith.