Encroachment can be difficult to identify in mentoring relationships. This is because encroachers are very subtle at breaking the relational boundaries in the lives of those they influence.
Encroachment, as I mentioned previously, is a gradual offense. Those who encroach are experts at testing boundaries to see how far they can reach beyond them. If initial oversteps are met with minimal resistance or consequences, the encroacher might be encouraged to continue or escalate their behavior, leading to the gradual process of boundary violation.
REMEMBER, ENCROACHMENT IS THE FORCING OF ONE’S SELF AND DESIRES INTO TERRITORIES (LIKE RELATIONSHIPS) IN THE LIVES OF OTHERS WHERE THEY HAVE NOT BEEN INVITED. This is not about healthy, close relationships that are intimate. The keywords here are BOUNDARIES, FORCE, and UNINVITED.
In the mind of an encroacher, ignored boundaries that are not addressed or confronted become permission to them. This is where we must be discerning and watchful… otherwise, we will miss the encroachers’ bold entrance. This is also why they are hard to identify at first in some relationships. People encroach for many reasons, some of the following reasons are listed below.
1. IGNORANCE/LACK OF KNOWLEDGE: In its simplest sense, there are people who lack awareness of boundaries. Their ignorance can lead to unintentional encroachment. They can generally be easily corrected with an explanation, wisdom, demonstration, and/or getting understanding through teaching. We should see encroachment from this perspective as teachable moments.
2. CULTURAL DIFFERENCES: Cultural backgrounds and norms can significantly influence perceptions of personal space and boundaries. What is considered a violation in one culture may be seen as normal or acceptable behavior in another. These differences can lead to unintentional encroachment when individuals from diverse cultures interact, highlighting the importance of cultural competence and sensitivity. In these instances, simply discuss the cultural differences, be eager to learn, and make mutual accommodations.
3. PAST TRAUMA: Individuals who have experienced trauma, especially during formative years, may develop behaviors that include encroachment on others’ boundaries. Trauma can disrupt the normal development of boundary recognition and respect, leading to either an excessive or extreme imposition on others or an inability to assert one’s own boundaries. Understanding and addressing these trauma-related issues is crucial in helping individuals learn healthy boundary-setting and respecting behaviors. In mentoring relationships, the close mentor can help with this if encroachment is identified and help the mentee heal.
Over the years, I have learned that if the source of encroachment falls in one of the three categories above, it can often be worked out with prayer and Holy Spirit guidance. Without the Lord’s intervention, the relationship will be difficult.
Other areas of encroachment are wrought out of:
4. ENTITLEMENT: The belief that one deserves certain privileges or access without regard for others’ rights or feelings. This mindset dismisses the notion of mutual respect for boundaries, leading to behavior that prioritizes personal desires over the well-being of others. See narcissistic tendencies below.
5. CONTROL: The need to control or exert power over others is a significant factor in encroachment. Individuals with control issues may invade others’ spaces or violate boundaries as a means of asserting dominance, reinforcing a perceived hierarchy where they occupy a superior position. Encroachers living in this play often occupy systems—either in their mind or within a culture of leadership that is nearly impossible to overcome without divine intervention.
6. INSECURITY: Insecurity can motivate individuals to encroach upon others as a way to seek validation or reassurance. This is a huge one when people have trust issues that are out of control. People who feel insecure about their status in relationships or self-worth might act out by overstepping boundaries to gain position in your life, obtain attention, support, or affirmation. This behavior is a misguided attempt to feel more secure or valued in their personal or professional relationships. In some situations, this encroacher type can become dangerous to the individual or to the ministry, group to which they are a part. Sometimes, these relationships can move into the healing realm in mentorship if the mentor has the capacity, time, and divine calling to assist at the hand of the Lord.
7. LACK OF EMPATHY: A fundamental lack of empathy—the inability to understand or share the feelings of another—can lead to the boundary violations of encroachment. Without empathy, individuals may struggle to recognize the impact of their actions on others, leading them to encroach upon others’ boundaries without understanding the harm or discomfort they are causing.
8. POWER DYNAMICS: Encroachment can also be influenced by existing power dynamics, whether in personal relationships, workplaces, or societal structures. Those in positions of authority or power may feel justified in overstepping boundaries due to their status—actual or perceived. Just remember, God trumps any thoughts they have… and humility may not be their portion. Conversely, individuals in less powerful positions may encroach upon others as a form of resistance or to assert their presence in environments where they feel marginalized or overlooked. If willing, these individuals may fall into the healing realm as well from the “mentor helping” perspective.
9. NARCISSISTIC TENDENCIES: Narcissism, characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance and a lack of regard for others’ feelings, can lead to excessive boundary violations. Narcissistic individuals may encroach upon others’ spaces and rights, viewing their own needs and desires as paramount and dismissing the importance of respecting others’ boundaries. Divine intervention is often required here. Once a person is identified as a narcissist, it is best to leave them to their apostate condition… before their Holy God.
